So I haven’t logged on in probably a couple months now. My story is, became builimic in February or March, started dating my BF in April and promised to stop throwing up, fucked up a few times (about 5 or 6) between April and September, but told him. September came and I moved across the country to live with him, got depressed from moving away from all my family and friends, got lonely, turned to food (My posts from earlier state that I was 150, i think i was up to 154 to be exact) and I started throwing up again. I was super careful at first, then got lazy and started doing it while he was home. He caught me one night, thats why I havent been on. Ive still been doing it though, he knows about most of the times but now he thinks i’m really trying hard to stop because he got really fucked up one night and almost OD’d and scared the shit out of me and i once again promised that i would never purge again….well its been quite some time since i first developed this eating disorder and im going to be honest, i cant stop now. The lowest i’ve been since march is 135, that was on THANKSGIVING ironically hahahhaha. AND the funny part is, the night before I went to a party for my work and they had three gigantic pizzas, cake, flan, chips, tonssssss of food. i got super drunk off jello shots, a rather nasty margarita and played beer pong with my manager. ended up getting super drunk and puked that night (i had not eaten anything so it was just alcohol) and the next day for Thanksgiving my bf and i went to his fathers house where there was a shitton of food. we both took adderall and xanax because we just cant stand being around his wife and even though my bf ate plenty i took a small plate, filled it with small bits of everything, then luckily found an empty soda can and shoved most of my food in there, then spread the rest around my plate and threw it away. everyone was too busy watching football :) anyways we left, went to wal mart, went home and to bed.
A while ago i applied for food stamps, but never sent in the last document i needed because i changed my mind about wanting them…but to my suprise a letter came in the mail last week with a $150 a month food stamp card…..fuck! went shopping at walmart and got a bunch of low calorie food as well as some higher calorie healthy stuff. Also went out to sushi the other night with the bf and ate way too much. Days later I weighed myself at 139 and started freakin out…yet ive been stuffing myself. Thank god for jell-o and dill pickles. fills me up to the point where i’m miserable but even after eating a LOT of those last night and today chocolate soy milk, a chipotle burrito loaded with cheese, chips, guac, starbucks vanilla carmel latte, lemonade, green tea, and a couple pickle spears (most of that food came back up btw) im still at 138. i was expecting 142…so yay me! but i needa get my shit together because i’m going to visit home in 19 days and i wanna fit into my old jeans and look skinnyyyy! goal is 133 at least.